Often I find myself questioning everything about the gospel and my relationship with the Savior, but then I have those light bulb moments. You know what I am talking about, its when one is like well duh, that makes sense and this is why we do/don't do that certain thing. Then I feel dumb for doubting my relationship with my Savior.
I am grateful for Conference and for the inspired messages that I needed to hear especially after being inactive for 6 months. This is something that I beat myself up about constantly and having that feeling of not being enough for the Savior. Even though, I know He loves us unconditionally no matter what! This is something I always promised myself that I wouldn't allow occur to me, but did.
While being off the unbeaten path, the trials came stronger than ever. I felt so weak, vulnerable and scared that I chose not to look up to the Savior and pray for guidance and strength. The stubbornness and pride got in the way of asking Heavenly Father for what I needed. The world continued to beat me down and I let it. I didn't have the strength to keep going. I kept on getting tempted, and falling into Satan's trap.
The trials grew with intensity, but now reflecting back I knew it was to test my faith. And to get me to humble myself and to turn my life back on track. So here I am reflecting on the past six months. Although, I turned my back on the Savior, I could still see His presence in my life constantly. Even though, I gave up on Him, He did not. He still loves me as much as ever.
I have to constantly remind myself where I was before I was baptized into the church. I have to remind myself of how far I have come because I allowed the Savior to be in my life. I have to remind myself of the Spirit I felt when I was getting taught by the missionaries, the day I was baptized and confirmed a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints. And how I wouldn't want my life to be any other way. The covenants I made were to make my life better and to help make me become a better daughter of God. I have to remind myself of who I am in the eyes of the Lord, and where I am going spiritually. I have to remember my eternal goals of getting married in the temple and having an eternal family.
With all that being said, I have decided to recommit myself to the Savior, and to do it on a daily basis through prayer, repentance and scripture study. I know, at times it may be difficult, but it is so worth it in the end. A life without the Savior is nothing, but darkness.
