June 21, 2015

This past week felt relaxed, but I may have relaxed too much because I missed a couple assignments. Jessica finally finished her essay. I would like to share my opinion on the tutoring lab for my statics class. An architect asked for my resume and my schedule this summer personally on Linkedin! I hope that I get to work with him. It would be hard, but it would be such a great blessing to practice a skill that I want to pursue. There is a lot to being an architect, and I want to practice it. Friday night was the P2B Power to Become Alumni Conference. I got an alumni mentor. Jessica and I met at this conference last semester, so it is special to us. The championship meet went well. Inside out, a new Pixar film, came out this weekend, and Jessica and I rounded up friends to go it yesterday. It was sold out though. A group went to play laser tag, but I don't really like it. It was hard to decide a good united activity. We decided to watch Jupiter Ascending.

     My statics tutoring lab is funny because it is full of extroverts, and the following topic comes up often in our discussions: How is it possible that everyone else in the class that does not come to these sessions understands what is being taught, and how it is possible to complete the homework well without attending these sessions? I personally think that learning a material is good alone. I think that extroverts are interesting because they think out loud, relying on others to think things through. This is why the tutoring sessions are full of the same people. It's how they learn. I mainly use tutors if I need to learn something faster.

     On Thursday night, I got a message from an architect from J.W. Architecture, and I am excited about the opportunity because I always wanted to intern with an architecture firm. I am also excited because I recognized the architectural firm from a task that I had with Delta Stone Products to create a list of all the architectural firms in Utah in order for them to invite them to a design education session, and I recognized the firm. I checked out the website to learn about the company, but there was not much there, so I called the company. I was surprised that I was transferred to talk to the architect himself, and he was the person that send me the message. One thing that I think is weird is that companies always contact BYU Idaho with opportunities for work, but they want them to be available to work within the month or week.

     P2B was great. The alumni that came to this conference were just as amazing as the previous P2B. It is amazing the great people that have come from BYU Idaho and Ricks College. I am going to list the revelations and points that they made. I live tweeted the event. Counsel with the Lord in prayer, but we should not counsel God.

     Kim Flynn was the first alumni that addressed us. Her website describes her as the following quote: "Kim Flynn is passionate about playing big in business. She is a bestselling author, speaker, trainer, and workshop leader for entrepreneurs and small business owners. She has four kids, is the founder of five businesses, and the creator of the Plug & Play Business System. Kim teaches business owners how to automate, systematize, and grow their businesses to their potential.

After several years as a school teacher, Kim started her first tutoring business when she was 23 years old. She grew that business to employ over 30 people while working 3 hours per week. She went on to build and sell three more service businesses before creating Kim Flynn Consulting.

Kim now hosts monthly Business Intensive Retreats at her lodge in Park City, where women and a few brave men fly in from across the country to learn the Plug & Play Business System and overhaul their systems and operations in three intense days. Kim is a frequent guest on national radio and TV programs outlets like Fox Business News, and Forbes, and was recognized in the Top 40 under 40 in Business Q Magazine."

The following are my notes on her speech: Don't let anyone tell you this. You are out of alignment. Mothers can't do big things. Will I be sacrificing my family, if I do big things? I can do whatever I want to do because I see you do whatever you want. - her daughter, the most rewarding part of her career

We don't have to follow the mold. You are not sacrificing your family, being a businesswoman. You are blessing your family. The mold is education, get married, have children, grandchildren, & die. It is not the calling and purpose of women.  Don't let the box limit you. It is okay to rock the boat. Your family and friends will still love you. You don't have to figure out your life. Just move forward. Look at the threads in your life for purpose. We've dreams to achieve, but we don't. Giants, fighting against us, aren't physical or financial limits. They're social pressures. Playing it safe is a lack of faith.

    "In 2007, a BYU – Idaho student wanted to learn internet marketing. There was one class available to him – a course that offered one credit, lasted one month, and focused on how to use Google ads.

     The student, Stuart Draper, didn’t let a lack of coursework deter him from his goal. He bought books, attended seminars, and learned the skills he needed by way of independent study – and he did that while continuing to pursue and complete a bachelor’s degree in traditional marketing." (http://www.stukent.com/our-story/)

     Stu Draper was the next speaker, and the following notes were the live tweeting on the Mormon YSA Blog Spot's Twitter page.

     A BIG FAT LIE: Success is about who you know, not what you know. Use @LinkedIn The connections can get you places, if you have skill. You can make up for not being outgoing with skill. The networkers will find you. Rich people can't help you; unless, you have skills. Our networks can change our lives in unforseen ways. Let your network grow and change you positively.  Learn the principle of networking with the right people.  Show me your friends, and I'll show you your future. We are the average of the five people that we spend the most time with. (the twist) or aspire to be, follow, read, and so forth. Smart cuts: Progress in your career faster than you can dream with the skills and networks that you develop in school.

     I am happy to say that Logan Starks has returned to BYU Idaho after a brief hiatus, and I was able to enjoy dinner with him and his girlfriend Rachel Zeller. We had a good time at dinner, and Art Rascon from ABC news addressed us. He is an Emmy award winning Reporter, joining ABC-13 in September 1998 to serve as anchor of the five o'clock news. The following tweets were my notes on his speech: Realize your tremendous dependence on God; furthermore, he will to grant to you your righteous desires. Trust him. The Lord can do better with your life than you can do without him. Depend on his love for you. Let your roots grow so deep into the earth & the Gospel that the people, who look to you for survival, can live. Don't follow the world's ways. It is without integrity. This is why anarchy breaks out without rule; looting, riots, and so forth. The keys to Sam Walton's success are hard work, the love of others, and the understanding that God is in control.

     "Emily McQueen is a stay-at-home mother of five children and a volunteer. Emily is a well-known speaker on the topic of overcoming disabilities. At BYU-Idaho she was involved in an accident that left her a paraplegic. She has tackled competitive wheelchair racing finishing with three first place finishes." (http://www.byui.edu/p2b/p2b-speakers) The following notes were the live tweeting of her speech: In the trenches of life, I found a real friend, & my previous friendships were mostly superficial. I didn't want superficiality. What is your childhood dream? I didn't go back to it until many years past. Will you #p2become your childhood aspirations? Multiply your joy with your children by cherishing them. Learn the skill of clarity. It will open your mind to what is important. Skills from the trenches are drive, sensitivity, clarity, and hope.

     "Randy Garn is the Co-Founder of Hero Partners, a group helping entrepreneur partners lift and reach their vision. He is a New York Times bestselling author and has been awarded Entrepreneur of the Year by Ernst and Young. He is an alumnus of BYU-Idaho and a graduate of the Owner Management Program at Harvard University." (http://www.byui.edu/p2b/p2b-speakers) The next series of sentences are my notes on his presentation. Little Things means everything. Question the culture of separating personal from business life. The three Bs are believe, #p2become, and belong. What do you believe in? Do you believe in yourself? If you treat people including yourself as if they ought become, they will become it.

The possibility mind set is more productive.  Stop complaining. What is the solution? The probability or possibility mind set. What do you embrace more? Probability fills in the gaps of the possibility mind set. Don't be afraid to express your personal Gospel desires. You can't separate business from personal life.  Seek the path to the future of your desire. Don't fall away from your righteous desires. Always keep yourself in the path.  If you keep your home life right, business life will most likely be right. The most important thing in life is family.  99% faith is not faith. 1% fear is actually 100%. Faith is an assurance of things that are true. The Gospel has no half-truths. Define to your what is success. To me, it is too achieve your righteous desires.

     Ryan Hamilton spoke last, and he is a great comedian with clean humor. It is incredible to listen to a Mormon Comedian that is actually good. I don't know any good Mormon standup comedians.

     My alumni mentor is a man named Sterling Graham. I met him at the Capitola Beach in California as I was watching over two Japanese English language students. As I was walking around, looking for them, I ran in to him. He was open about helping me find an internship, but I am not bold enough to ask about that yet. I first sent him a message on Linkedin, and he didn't answer. I found an email address on his Linkedin, so I asked there. He replied graciously, but I have not heard from him after answering his questions. I hope that I hear from him soon.

    The championship meet started a little rough because the scoreboard and the sound system didn't work. The program is so small that it worked well without it. No one broke records. The environment was good. We actually ran the 300 and 100/110 meter hurdles. We didn't run the 300 hurdles until the last meet. Tuesday is our banquet, and I still have work to do as a coordinator. I am happy that it will be over. I need to focus more in my classes. We had more participants in the championship, and the stadium did not seem empty.

     Jupiter Ascending is a movie that I would not recommend anyone to watch. There is no meaningful message in the movie. The story is better than most, but it is told very poorly. It is very hard to comprehend, and I am usually one who is easily understand movies. The worlds are gorgeous, and the pictures are amazing. Some themes of the movie is extreme corruption; therefore, I do not recommend that you corrupt your soul with their thought processes. The movie is based on the shallow philosophy of man that the Earth cannot sustain the population of humanity. "For the earth is full, and there is enough and to spare; yea, I prepared all things, and have given unto the children of men to be agents unto themselves." D&C 104:17

    

June 28, 2015

     This week was good. The Track and Field Competitive Sport hosted their banquet on Tuesday night. On Thursday night we celebrated Logan (Sterling) Starks birthday. I aced another accounting test Friday night. I seem to have become a reference from leadership for activities because I was asked to help lead a crew to hike up Table Rock and help lead an Idaho State Championship Meet on July 11th. I thought that I was done being a Track and Field Coordinator. I could be done, but I don't want to be selfish. This is where I am needed. I watched 'Inside Out' on Friday night in celebration of my A. Jessica and I finally made it to the temple yesterday. This semester has been so busy.

     The Track and Field Banquet was excellent. We had the conference room at Pizza Pie Café packed. I estimated that we would have forty-five to fifty people come, but only about thirty-five came. The environment was nice. Everyone was having a good time. After things settled down a little bit, I went up and started the closing ceremonies. I thanked everyone for enduring to the end, breaking school records, working towards personal records, making the season a success, making friends, and so forth; then, I invited the coaches up to give out the championship t shirt tokens. After I let the coaches do their thing, Brother Stutz asked for feedback on their decision to make Track and Field an event sport. Most people liked the idea. We had a good discussion.

     Sterling Starks’ birthday was chill. The groups of the party was tight until we went to the dunes. We went out to eat at Frostop. They have good food, but it is not too special. It's just a burger joint. It's good to have Logan back at school to enjoy his presence and a more whole group. The core group at Frostop was Logan Starks, Rachel Zeller, Jesse Kaupert, Rachel Dunlap, Joe Cox, Jessica Palmer, and I. Kathrine’s friends join us at the dunes. When we went to the dunes, Jesse got stuck in the sand, driving his car into the parking lot. We have a classic game called glow in the dark Stick ball, which a combination of golf and baseball. Jesse pitched a ball to himself, and he would hit it out into the dunes; then, someone else would throw it back into the bucket of balls. Everyone would pitch  hit the ball out for another person, going from many rounds until everyone hit the ball for everyone else, and the person that had the least amount of throws to get the ball into the bucket would win. We were unable to finish the game on the night of Logan's birthday.

     I did not go to Table Rock, but I took the opportunity to help host the Idaho High School Track and Field State Championship Meet. I have to get twelve volunteers. I don't know exactly what we are doing, but I have a meeting with a guy tomorrow. It is interesting how people naturally develop to be a leader after a little effort. I started my leadership by my desire to raise the standard for the competition for cross country by winning the championship in 2013. I was a cross country coach in 2014, and that season was one of the best in a while from my experience. I was offered the opportunity to be the Track and Field Coordinator, and I have been asked to help organize the Idaho State Championship meet after concluding the Track and Field season. Leadership roles come naturally and by choice. Jesse has a natural role to be the leader of our core group of friends, and I can't take his role; therefore, he needs to fulfill it like I need to fulfill my role. I was thinking of not continuing being a coordinator, but a role of a coordinator is to inspire the next generation of coordinators. I have three of my coaches lined up for the next few weeks to participate in coordinator meetings.

     My grades so far for my accounting tests are As for three of four, and a classmate wants to study for me. My teacher has a very good study guide for his tests, going overall the subjects on the exams, so I just go over that. My tests this semester are very far, and I am happy about that. I have another Statics test on Wednesday, so I have a lot to do for that. I have been neglecting a group project for my safety class that I need to do research on. I have a lot to do for that. My semester is concluding well, but I still have a lot of work to do. Jessica and I can't fathom that we only have a few weeks felt. She has a lot a lot of work to do, since she is behind on her assignments. There is a possibility that she may fail a few of her classes. She is still learning study skills. I try to encourage her, but she has to do her own work.

     Jessica and I went to the temple for the first time of the semester yesterday because we have been too busy. We tried to go earlier in the semester, but the Idaho Falls temple was closed for renovations; plus, people from Wyoming was attending the baptistery too. The baptistery experience went too fast, but it was good. I did four names. It is not much, but it is worth it. 
     My opinion of Pixar's "Inside Out" is pretty low. Pixar most of the time bases their movies on something other than human relations. T
The concept is fun, but the story of "Inside Out" was very weak. The human characters were not built much. The only thing that I can think of at the end of the movie is that it ended too quickly. I think that Pixar should have developed the human characters more after the conclusion of the dilemma.

June 25, 2017

Although I wrote last week, I have not written concerning the past two weeks. During the past couple weeks, I have had my best job opportunity because I want to work with a company.

Before I start writing about my experience, I would like to share some words of wisdom about the professional world. Since I have applied to hundreds of jobs and interviewed with many companies. I have found that the interviewer always asks the following question: What do you want to do (especially if you are networking with someone)? They may also ask 'What is your five year goals?' What do you see yourself doing in five years?" Where do you see yourself in five years? When people join academia, you should start networking with people with the same passions as you. I have interviewed a lot, and one thing that I have found is that employers only want to hire people that are passionate about their work. Interviewers see that I am not passionate about their work and company; therefore, I am not offered a position at the company. People want to help you pursue your passion. Network with people and businesses that have your passion as their business, and they will help you succeed and recommend you for opportunities. Pursue your passion and let people know your passion, and they will help you because they want you to thrive. You will only thrive if you are doing something that you are passionate about. I never really felt that this was true until I tried it. I don't think that I was ever really allowed to try it because I could not find the company that I would fit in. My passion is to make buildings as efficient as possible. Contractors don't do that. A sister by the name of Chamonix Larsen came to speak at a BYU Idaho Design and Construction Management Department seminar, and she spoke of her profession with Morrison Hershfield.

The company that I am interviewing with is Morrison Hershfield, and they do consulting, focusing on the building envelope. I developed a passion for mastering the building envelope during a Methods and Materials class. The subject of the building envelope mainly resists the elements that it is exposed to. I thought to myself. Why are we paying for water and energy, if our building are designed to resist water and energy from entering the structure? Can't we just harvest the water and energy to have self-sustaining buildings? I have developed an incredible vision for my idea. My goal is to master the building envelope as I work a Morrison Hershfield; then, revolutionize the building design and construction industry. Utilities infrastructure are unnecessary according to my philosophy.

The Mormon Channel exposed me to an opportunity, where my concept can be implemented readily. A family went on a charity vacation building a home for a family in Mexico, but the family's patriarch wanted to have another experience like this for his young men's group of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He found that it would be too dangerous to take his group back to Mexico. He worked hours to figure out another possible opportunity similar to his family charity vacation. He learned of the Navajo Nation, finding a contact to help build a home for the family. The Navajo Nation is a nation about the size of West Virginia in the state of Utah. Most do not have water or electricity as they live in trailers. The Navajo Nation leader's provided forty thousand dollars for materials to build a house for a family. The father speaking in the Mormon Channel podcast asked the Navajo leaders how many more homes need to be built. They said ten thousand without hesitation. My concept would be directly implemented not requiring infrastructure of sewage, water lines, and electrical lines. I want to build these nations with my inventions. There are many people that can benefit from my concepts. Can you imagine a community or city that was built for refuges because they have no homes? There is plenty of land. We can build sanctuaries for forgotten people that have no foundation or infrastructure for their people. There are millions of refuges, and I would like to help them provide for themselves. I don't want to only serve the forgotten people, but every people. Every person would not need to be dependent on utilities for water or electricity. They would never worry of water or electricity outages again.

I am taking the Capstone Class of my degree of Design and Construction Management, and one of the tasks of the curriculum is to evaluate our personal nature and see how you can develop the traits of leadership. Leaders lead their own lives. They do not take whatever opportunity that comes in their way. They have a passion and purpose to contribute to the world and pursue. Before this semester, I was just hoping to get a construction management job because it is my field of study; however, I have realized that I have always acted as an exception. I would interview with contractors and say that I want to be an architect. This does not make sense for a contractor. Why are you interviewing with me? At the end of my studies at BYU Idaho, I realized the recommendation for me to pursue architecture after getting my degree in Design and Construction Management was not a good recommendation. It was good to learn my true passion, but my path to be an architectural success would have been very strenuous. If I pursued architecture, I would need a three plus master's degree, requiring more than three more years of schooling, because I don't have an architecture bachelors' degree. My law teacher was an architect, and his wage was about thirty-three thousand dollars. The wage is too low for the monetary investment of the education. The University of Utah costs forty thousand dollars a year just on tuition. I estimate that I would accumulate at least two hundred thousand dollars in debt. Chamonix Larsen's seminar and networking with her to pursue my passion of building consulting was a miracle. The discovery of the opportunity with Morrison Hershfield is the only job interview that has been completely sincere in my ambitions because their business fits well with my passions. I was writing about developing leadership traits. I have been coaching a classmate, and he has been coaching me. My personal development evaluation has been very task oriented particularly with Morrison Hershfield. I believe that the task and goal orientation to develop the traits of extraversion and openness has been key to my obtaining a second job interview with the company. I am waiting for their response to the interviews. I plan to look into the duties of the position that I have been interviewing for, and ask the people that I have a network with at the company about aspects that I have questions about.

Why is Martin Luther King Junior thought of as a most influential person?

 A most common name that comes to mind when it comes to who is the most influential person is Martin Luther King Junior. Our lifestyle has largely been influenced by him. The society that Doctor King described in his speeches are unfathomable today, and the change in the civilization of the United States of America due to Martin’s work was practically instantaneous. The following quote is an excerpt from his most famous speech at the Alabama State Capital Building:

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of "interposition" and "nullification" -- one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers. (King 1963)

Since Martin Luther King Junior was murdered on April 4, 1968, he was only able to witness his dream become reality for about three years. The revolution was still an infant. This literature will evaluate the types of influences that he used. The construction capstone class curriculum exposed several. There are ways to influence people that are not motivating, and these were revealed to the author before he made the list of Mister King’s powers. It is interesting that he did not use the powers are not truly motivating. These powers are reward, coercive, legitimate, information, and ecological power. The powers that Martin Luther King did not use will not be explained. His truly motivating powers is his notoriety of his personal power and position. Referent power comes from his integrity, and his expert power come from his intelligent exercise of his scholarship. The proceeding paragraphs will address his powers in the order given next: expert, personal, position, and referent. Expert power will be the first power addressed because it is easily separated from the other powers, and the power is least influential without it being combined with others.

“Unique knowledge of how to perform tasks or solve problems is at the heart of expert power.” (Sessions 2014) Martin Luther King’s journey for equality started at age seventeen in the church, giving his first speech, where his father was a pastor, as he was studying Sociology at Morehouse College. Benjamin E Mays was the president of the college, inspiring him to pursue social justice. After a second bachelor’s degree, the first was Sociology and the second was at Crozer Theological Seminary, Martin achieved a PhD in Theology at Boston University. He developed his expertise in social action since his teenage years. His social justice agenda had the right to vote as the solution to all of Jim Crow laws and persecutions. At that time Lyndon Johnson was the President of the United States of America. The following quote from the Selma movie paints the image as he spoke to President Johnson, proceeding a church bombing, which killed four young girls:

Because there have been thousands of racially motivated murders in the South, including those four girls… And you know the astounding fact that not one of these criminals who murder us when and why they want has ever been convicted. ... Not one conviction because they are protected by white officials chosen by an all-white electorate. And on the rare occasions that they face trial, they are freed by all-white juries. All-white because you can't serve on a jury unless you are registered to vote. (Selma 2014)

His expertise in Sociology, Law, and Theology as he was a pastor gave him great skill in writing speeches. He knew how to inspire a congregation, but his power could not come without his personal integrity. The following paragraphs will describe his personal powers such as his position and referent.

The influence practiced by “personal power is directly associated with a person's behavior, traits, and characteristics.” (Sessions 2014) An example of his personal power is when Jimmie Lee Jackson was murdered for participating in a march against the persecution of black people. He visited his family personally. His demeanor was humble as he spoke to his father, saying “There are no words to soothe you, Mr. Lee. There are no words. But I can tell you one thing for certain. God was the first to cry. He was the first to cry for your boy.” Martin Luther King Junior’s personal power was also expressed in his meetings with the President of the United States of America. He would confront President Johnson with a very deliberate agenda. His persistence got the president to see that legislations needed to be given executively. The president was in a power struggle with Martin Luther King until King’s movement was so momentous that the president’s “War on Poverty” was delayed. The word “fate” in the following quotation of President Lyndon Johnson indicates that he was compelled by Martin Luther King, making “history” to force executive action:

I speak tonight for the dignity of man and the destiny of democracy. At times, history and fate meet at a single time in a single place. So it was last week in Selma, Alabama. There, long suffering men and women peacefully protested the denial of their rights as Americans. Rarely in any time does an issue lay bare the secret heart of America itself. The issue for equal rights for the American Negro is that issue. For this issue, many of them were brutally assaulted. There is no Negro problem. There is no Southern problem. There is only an American problem. The Constitution says that no person shall be kept from voting because of his race or color. To correct the denial of this fundamental right, this Wednesday, I will send to Congress a law designed to eliminate these illegal barriers. The bill will strike down voting restrictions in all elections, federal, state and local. And we shall do this. We shall overcome. (Johnson 1965)

According to Lyndon Johnson comprehensive legislation was passed more than six months earlier to resolve the persecution of black people; however, it had little influence on state practices. As “history,” which the author analogizes to refer to Martin Luther King, and “fate,” which he analogizes to refer to President Lyndon Johnson, Martin’s “personal power is directly associated with [his] person's behavior, traits, and characteristics,” (Sessions 2014) compelling this speech by the President of the United States of America.

“Position power is a person's authority in connection with his or her position or title in an organization.” (Sessions 2014) As Martin King researched the best location to start his march to a state or national capital, he found that Selma, Alabama was the city. He sought a coalition with The Student Non-Violent Coordinating Committee in Selma to gain a greater following. The leaders of the SNCC resisted Martin Luther King’s team, saying “Maybe we should just leave Selma...” (Selma 2014) One reason that the SNCC resisted is that MLK’s team failed in Albany. After the team’s negotiation fizzled, Martin observed the situation. Approaching the leaders of The Student Non-Violent Coordinating Committee, he said the following Selma film transcript quote:

Enough of this now. I haven't the time for this. None of us got the time for this. John. James. The way our organization works is straightforward. We negotiate. We demonstrate. We resist. And on our best days, our adversary helps the matter by making a mistake. Now, we were in Albany for nine months and we made a lot of mistakes. But their sheriff, Laurie Pritchett, he never made a mistake. Kept his cool, kept arresting us in a humane way, carried people to the jail-wagons on stretchers. Day in, day out. There was no drama.

You mean there was no cameras.

Exactly. Now I know, we all understand, that you young people believe in working in the community long-term. Doing the good work to raise black consciousness. It's good grassroots work. I can't tell you how much we admire that. But what we do is negotiate, demonstrate, resist. And a big part of that is raising white consciousness. And in particular the consciousness of whichever white man happens to be sitting in the Oval Office. Right now, Johnson has other fish to fry and he'll ignore us if he can. The only way to stop him doing that is by being on the front page of the national press every morning and by being on the TV news every night. And that requires drama. Now... John. James. Answer me one question. I've been told the sheriff in this town isn't like Laurie Pritchett in Albany. He's a big ignorant bully like Bull Connor in Birmingham. Well, you tell me. You know Selma. You know Sheriff Jim Clark. Is he Laurie Pritchett? Or is he Bull Connor? (Selma 2014)

In this meeting Martin Luther King displayed a few influences. Informational and position powers was shown as well as a rational persuasion. Another influence that was expressed is that Martin was the higher management support that his team needed to achieve the coalition. MLK told James and John what happened in Albany; said their appreciation, revealing his personal friendly nature; and taught the methodology of his campaign. It took a while to win the full support of The Student Non-Violent Coordinating Committee, but Martin’s input in the negotiation was a good start compared to leaving Selma. A personal scene in the movie had showed the referent power and personal relationship with a leader of the SNCC.

 “Referent power occurs when a follower wants to be like or closely associate with the leader and demonstrate strong loyalty towards the leader.” (Sessions 2014) The campaign was straining on Martin King. Sometimes he would express discouragement in difficult times. After a march demonstration failure, he went on a drive with John Lewis, the SNCC leader. The following quote is a display of his loyalty towards Doctor King:

When I was working with SNCC on the Freedom Rides, the Montgomery bus reached the city limits. We got off. And out of nowhere, from all directions, they came. There was men, women. Kids, too. They had just about every makeshift weapon you could think of. I mean, bats, bricks, tire irons, pipes. I remember... I remember this little girl just clawing her nails into the side of my friend Jessie's face while her daddy... Her daddy beat him with an ax handle. Jessie was unconscious, and they just kept beating on him and beating on him. I must've passed out on the asphalt somewhere. Next day, I found myself patched up and sitting in a church. I could barely hold my head up, but I needed to be there. You were gonna be speaking. And I needed to hear you. And I was feeling down, but you got up there. I'm about to tell you right now. And I hope you hear me. You said that we would triumph. That we would triumph because there could be no other way. And you know what else you said? You said, “Fear not. We've come too far to turn back now.” (Selma 2014)

King’s referent power reflected through John back to him, yet John Lewis was not one of Doctor King’s main team members. The next quote will illustrate the comradery between Martin and his close associate. After a demonstration landed MLK’s team in jail, he asked downheartedly. “What are we doing, Ralphy?” (Selma 2014) Martin’s conversation with his team member is as follows according to the film:

We take it piece by piece. Like we been doing. We build the path as we can. Rock by rock.

This cell is probably bugged.

It probably is.

Oh, Lord. They're gonna ruin me so they can ruin this movement. They are.

Look at the birds of the air that they do not sow, nor reap, nor gather into barns, and yet your Heavenly Father doth feed them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?

(Selma 2014)

A follower, sustaining their leader, is evident of their devotion. It is also evident of Martin Luther King’s referent power.

In conclusion Martin Luther King Junior set the foundation of his life by studying society with his first bachelor’s degree during his teenage years. He was only thirty-nine years old when he was murdered, yet he practiced influencing social justice for more than twenty years. He became an intentional leader, using meekness with his powers. Martin was a powerful expert, knowing how to execute influential events, protests, and movements. He had the integrity to lead his life and other’s lives, saying “I'm no different than anybody else” (Selma 2014) as he refused government protection. His position gave him authority to use many types of influences to accomplish what he knew what needed to happen. Martin Luther King’s dream is still a referent power that people feel today, promoting equality among all races, cultures, and peoples.

Humility Talk

My wife asked me what doctrine that I will teach about humility. I turn straight to the beatitudes that Jesus Christ taught his disciples. I will also be quoting a lot from Ezra Taft Benson's speech "Beware of Pride." The talk that was given to me to ponder is "Be thou humble" by Elder Steven Snow.

"Blessed are the poor in spirit who come unto me, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven... And blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. And blessed are all they who do hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be filled with the Holy Ghost."

Humility is the first step to accessing the principles of the Gospel. We must "desire, in the first place, that ye should believe, yea, even on his word." (Alma 32:22)

"Think of the repentance that could take place with lives changed, marriages preserved, and homes strengthened, if pride did not keep us from confessing our sins and forsaking them. (See D&C 58:43.)"

"Pride is the great stumbling block to Zion." Zion is the residence of the pure in heart, where "there was no poor among them." "And blessed are all the pure in heart, for they shall see God" as the people and city of Enoch. Is this not our hope for the whole world? The second coming is soon. Let us prepare the way of the Lord by establishing Zion. "The Saints are counseled to build up Zion wherever they are living in the world."

I want to discuss these doctrine, applying to our personal lives.

"Pride adversely affects all our relationships—our relationship with God and His servants, between husband and wife, parent and child, employer and employee, teacher and student, and all mankind. Our degree of pride determines how we treat our God and our brothers and sisters. Christ wants to lift us to where He is. Do we desire to do the same for others?"

I am prompted to speak on how we should be humble to yourself, your spouse, your children, neighbors, family, and community. We also should be humble to your God, callings, priesthood, employers, and teachers. If I were to address each relationship, I will be speaking for an excessive amount of time. The following quote from Matthew 22 will simplify my message:

But when the Pharisees had heard that he had put the Sadducees to silence, they were gathered together. Then one of them, which was a lawyer, asked him a question, tempting him, and saying, Master, which is the great commandment in the law? Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

We should be humble and loving to ourselves, loving other people the same way. Also we ought to understand and work well with yourself. Sometimes we are too hard on ourselves. There are many ways that people have relationships with themselves. We have to face our weaknesses, strengths, temptations, natural man, bodies, minds, backgrounds, upbringing, and spirit. There are many ways that we need to be humble to ourselves.

I like to have personal definitions for words.

• The recognition of our weaknesses takes humility because we are self-aware. 
• My wife attended the strengths strategies workshop. It is based on Deanna Murphy the P2B speakers curriculum. It recommends that we lead our lives with your strengths rather than focusing on your weaknesses. Find a passion to pursue, and your weaknesses will not be as bad. 
• Temptations are our personal struggles with specific sin. 
• The natural man are the natural tendencies of man to achieve their unrighteousness selfish desires with the least amount of effort. Let me give you an example. In Elder Snow's talk, he said "As we raise our own children, we need to help them remain humble as they mature into adulthood. We do not do this by breaking their spirit through unkindness or by being too harsh in our discipline."
• We have to be humble to our bodies. Our bodies have requirements to be healthy, and they are not perfect. The imperfections of our bodies require a greater humility. 
• Our minds have habits to many times we defeat ourselves before we attempt to do something. Our minds have their personal way of interpreting the world. 
• Each of us have our own personal experiences that have shaped us. We may be limited and may have confidence to do things based on the experiences of our lives. 
• We have to be humble to how we have grown from a child. Understand that we have been shaped by the people around us, and people who have raised us. 
• We need to respect and be humble to our spirit because we can forsake our spirit and become enveloped in the many aspects of what makes us who we are. We are spirit children of God, our Father in Heaven. 
• We also have to be humble to the Holy Ghost who prompts us very privately to do things that we can only do. Do the things that you personally feel that is right for you based on your personal revelation. 

"We can choose to humble ourselves by conquering enmity toward our brothers and sisters, esteeming them as ourselves, and lifting them as high or higher than we are. (See D&C 38:24; D&C 81:5; D&C 84:106.)

"The central feature of pride is enmity—enmity toward God and enmity toward our fellowmen. Enmity means “hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition.” It is the power by which Satan wishes to reign over us."

We should recognize the enmity, “hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition" that we have within ourselves, and we should forsake them. We should esteem all people as we do ourselves.

When we recognize ourselves as we understand our state of being, we can recognize other people for what they might be enduring. Treat every moment as a personal moment. Listen to each other, not having a loaded answer to reply.

Be willing to change. As we understand who we are, we are self-aware. We can recognize what is bad in our souls. We can face them, and try to overcome our personal challenges.

"Spencer W. Kimball, the 12th President of the Church, said: 'How does one get humble? To me, one must constantly be reminded of his dependence. On whom dependent? On the Lord. How remind one’s self? By real, constant, worshipful, grateful prayer.'"

What it’s Like to Divorce in a “Families Are Forever” Culture

 Published in Meridian Magazine by Lisa McDougle

One thousand cried out in want of a voice, their pleas desperate for understanding and validation. It seemed behind each statistic and checked box was a shattered human being who felt lost of all sense of value in the world, in their relationships, and even in their ward families. The words “outcast,” “cipher,” “misfit,” and even “plague” jumped out at me. What was this so-called condition that so isolated them from the associations that they had once enjoyed? Leprosy? Chicken Pox? No, the devastating “plague” of divorce.

The survey was born of my own heartbreak after divorcing, and wondering how, when I needed comfort and support the most, I felt suddenly alone in the world? In 2011, after 32 years of marriage, I got out of an unhealthy marriage only to find myself on a deserted Island, so to speak. Friends, family, and ward members seemed to go in to hiding the moment I found myself in unchartered territory. Not only did I feel deserted, I was suddenly the target of great ridicule and judgment from those who I considered to be my comrades, and should have been my emotional support.

I wondered if anyone really cared about me now that my family had fallen apart? Was I no longer wanted in the Church as a divided entity? Had I belonged to a “Perfect Family Club” all along and didn’t know it until I no longer fit in?

While young, I had gained a testimony for myself. I never doubted the truthfulness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I had made a decision way back then that no matter what I would stay in the safety of the Church. Many times this conviction was tested as conflicts arose with other members, but never like during and after my divorce. I wondered if my experience was isolated. This couldn’t possibly be normal Mormon-culture-protocol for such a devastating trial.

Looking back throughout my married life, I realized, ironically enough, I had almost always been given divorced sisters to Visit Teach. The majority had left the church, and had very hurt feelings toward members. I heard their stories of being released from their callings and being put in isolated callings such as the nursery, and being reassigned Home Teachers that were the oldest High Priests in the ward. They spoke of being treated differently at church meetings, no longer being invited to activities with member friends like before, and becoming the brunt of rude comments and gossip.

I have to admit that I had a hard time believing that their experiences weren’t isolated incidents. I hadn’t seen it personally, therefore they must be mistaken. Twenty years later, I experienced it for myself. Down to the 90-year-old Home Teacher, the nursery calling, and the sudden object of ridicule and gossip. It seemed so strange to me that a group of people who are taught every week to emulate Christ would believe that being cruel to members going through the trial of divorce was acceptable behavior. I had to be wrong about this.

In the Church there is a place for everyone. The Nursery for tiny tots, Primary for children, Young Men’s and Women’s, Relief Society, Priesthood. Where was that place for those going through the destruction of their family, lost dreams, and financial chaos? There were no counselors to advise, no friends to lend support, no auxiliary to help with the transition into single life and single parenting and bread winning.I looked on Social Media for anything that might bring like-situated lost souls banned from the inner circle of the Church culture, and all I found were a few single’s dating sites. I knew there were many of us, but where did they go? They couldn’t just disappear. Were others out there needing to feel understood and validated?

So I did what any other lonely “cast–away” would do, thus the creation of my “LDS Divorce Survivors” Facebook Support Group. If I felt completely abandoned and alone, I bet others did also. At first my goal was just to have a place where others like me could land and give each other support. But it was also a great place to get more information for my research.

Then I created two surveys, one for the sisters, one for the brethren. I asked around 50 very pertinent and sometimes painful questions about every aspect of their experience in connection with the LDS Culture and their wards, friends, neighbors, and family during this trial. “What methods did the bishop use to support you, what was done for the children, how many years did you stay in the marriage after things had gone bad, how were your Home Teachers, who were the best supporters during this time, had you gone to counseling?” And more.

Many said it brought tears to their eyes to reveal their experiences, but at the same time it was nice to know someone cared about what they went through.

For the past 6 years I have reached out to some Single’s Wards for their participation in the survey, handed out cards at the end of dances, but most came from the LDS Single’s type Facebook groups, of all ages, from all around the world, and over 1000 recipients responded.

Sadly enough, my fears had been confirmed in the faceless words that cried out to me on my screen. “I had to move from my ward to stop the gossiping about me and my family.” “My home teachers never visited me again.” “I was released from my calling as Relief Society Counselor and put in the nursery.” “I felt like I had the plague.”

I also learned what some wards and leaders had done exactly what the victims needed. Many had great ideas for supporting their ward members and their families during this trying time, and because of their efforts, the transition period went much smoother, holding on to the members and their children until they were able to land on their feet.

Unfortunately, these examples were seldom in comparison. One sister expressed her feelings about her experience:

“I sat across from my bishop and announced that I was leaving my husband of over 30 years. He stared at me, his eyes wide with unbelief. I felt sorry for him. We had been considered one of those rock-solid families in his congregation. The one where the husband had been a Bishop himself, and I had been in teaching capacities that included Seminary and Institute, and most recently Gospel Doctrine. That family he didn’t have to worry about. That family with the big smile at church. 

Then I went on to describe what went on behind closed doors. The physical and emotional abuse, the ‘gas-lighting,’ the phone calls from women for my husband, the makeup found on his garments, and many other signs that led me to believe he was cheating on me.

“I was desperately seeking a refuge from the upcoming storm of trying to escape a well respected abusive man with what I was fearing was personality disorders. I had witnessed his great influence as he had regularly cut off my support from my friends, family, and church leaders and ward family with his persuasive personality and his charismatic destruction of my character. Those I would need to lean on if I were to try to escape. When the time came, my loving bishop assured that he believed me, that his heart was heavy for me, and that he would do whatever was in his power to give the needed support. Then he asked me not to talk to anyone in the ward about the divorce. I feared that if no one knew my side of the story, it would be open for his ‘version.’ I was right.

She continued:

“In the end, my charming ex-husband had my bishop, stake president, and whole ward believing that I was the one having an affair, and that he was my victim of abuse. Few ward members would speak to me after my ill treatment of such a great man. The loss of my ward family was devastating to me. I had been in that ward for 13 years and thought that they knew me better. I had hoped to be able to lean on this wonderful, loving group of people during the hardest trial of my life. Instead I was the target of ridicule and unkind comments. The gossip only made a horrible situation unbearable. Even children and youth avoided me at Sacrament Meetings. It felt like I was the favorite topic around the dinner table. Needless to say, each Sunday I went home in tears.

“I go to church to have my cup filled so that I can face my trials, not to be publicly humiliated. As a victim of abuse and infidelity, my world was spinning. It made no sense. My friends disappeared, some turned on me, very few stood by my side. I remembered all the times I served these very friends and ward members during their hard times. I wondered where they were now that I needed them? I was only ever questioned by those seeking information for the latest juicy information to pass around. Few showed honest concern for my welfare.

“In the end I had lots of questions about why divorce in the church put these select members into a ‘don’t touch’ zone, like outcasts or misfits. I suddenly felt like I was on the outskirts of the ‘welcome group.’ I felt like my trial was not among the ‘acceptable trials’ for church members. Death, sickness, and injury were fine to experience, but if your family falls apart, no casserole for you!”

“As I started my life over in another state and ward, I wracked my brain trying to figure what I could have done differently. How could I have convinced my bishop any better so he would continue to stand by me and defend me? How could I have convinced him of my husband’s crimes so that he would take the steps to hold a church court and handle his sins against the church? What else could I have done or said? How could I possibly be more believable? 

“This ex-husband went to a new ward and stake, was given high positions of authority, passing the ecclesiastical permissions of his new leaders, without any voice from his previous bishop. It was a slap in my face to know the level of deception this man had committed with his double life, and yet to have him prance off in his “wolves clothing” without check. I wondered what church I belonged to? Had I not been a leader myself knowing how things were supposed to be done? Did it only happen properly for everyone else? Why was he not brought to face his crimes? Why did I feel like I was ostracized and he was being celebrated? Was this typical?”   ~anonymous

Her question stirred my heart. Unfortunately, as I read on, I found that her story was ever too common. In fact most often, at the time when these sufferers needed the most love and support, those that should be reaching out seemed to go in to hiding. Is it because ward members and friends are mean spirited or vindictive? No, most likely they are just unaware, or feel awkward toward them. They don’t know what to do or say. And yes, too many are judgmental. We, too, have judged wrongfully in our lives, thinking our view was complete of another person’s plight.

Whether we are leaders, friends, ward or family members, we need to be better about supporting those going through the devastation of divorce. One common thread that I had found throughout the survey was that they had stayed much longer than they should have because of their temple marriage, and their fear of the reaction of their LDS community. They endured even in abusive, addiction, and infidelity situations. As they finally fled the toxic environments, more often then not, victims who chose to continue going to church ended up having to move from their ward families to find peace from the gossip and mistreatment from the very people who they thought would rally to their side and offer encouragement.

Unfortunately too many divorce victims left the church altogether, along with their children. They did not want to stay where they “were not wanted.” I asked the question of my survey flock: “What were ward members/leaders doing that made them feel unwanted?”

• The sisters are threatened that the divorcee may suddenly be interested in their husbands.
• Members/leaders inwardly believe divorce is contagious.
• One spouse often spreads misinformation first to take the light off of their own misdeeds, and further isolate the victim
• They feel awkward and don’t know how to act around them, so they just avoid altogether
• They believe that by the act of snubbing “naughty-family-splitters” they are teaching the victims a lesson
• They fear being latched on to, and don’t want to get involved
• The whole subject of divorce scares them, so they avoid anything or anyone that has to do with that nasty subject
•  They didn’t allow their children to interact with those of the divorced family any longer.

If victims tried to express the change in behavior of their ward family to their folks or friends, they were greeted with “I’m sure you are just being overly sensitive, and it just seems others are treating you differently.” We need to be respectful enough to realize people know when their treatment is unusual when compared to before a divorce.

Emotional abuse victims are also seldom believed since there are no bruises to show. Without proper validation of their experiences, these victims struggle to move on and heal from the past. They lose trust in their closest associations, and fear their existence is meaningless when important relationships overlook their abuse/neglect.

PTSD during this stage is common, as are high levels of anxiety, extreme weight loss, a decline in health, not to mention the destruction of self-esteem, and even suicide. Seldom will loved ones listen to the pain-filled stories victims have had to hold inside for years, and be willing to offer comfort, like they would a death in the family.

Robert Hyte, who once served as a Pastor for the Wasatch State Corrections Facility in Salt Lake City, reported that the prison was full of women convicted of murder who felt they had no other alternative to stop the abuse when they had tried all other avenues for protection.

It seems easier to turn a blind eye to the suffering of others when we don’t know what we can do to help that would make any difference without it consuming our already busy lives. In my survey I asked what support looked like to them, and surprisingly, their responses seemed simple enough even for the busiest of “Saints:”

• Send a note of encouragement (mail, text, note attached to flowers, social media, etc.)
• Give them a hug and tell them you care
• Save them a space in church so they don’t sit alone
• Treat them like you used to, don’t be awkward around them
• Ask if there is anything you can do for them, make suggestions. “May I take your kids when you go to court?” “My son would love to mow your lawn this week?”
• Take them to lunch regularly, especially if you are their friend or Visiting Teacher
• Listen to them. Don’t advise, or lecture. Just validate their experiences. And then keep it confidential.
• Understand that even professionals can be manipulated by experienced deceivers. Be careful about taking sides. Victims tend to be unbelievable, and abusers very convincing.
• Love those that make mistakes. Christ came to bless the sinner, “the whole need not a physician.” Inside the church is the only place they can turn themselves around and get back on the path.
• Get rid of the stigma attached to divorced people. They are still the same folks as they were before, and when this is over, they will be the same again.
• If you went out as groups before, continue to invite them now.
• If you are a leader of their children, make sure they have rides to the activities, and get extra attention during this time. Their world is falling apart, reach out to them.

Looking back I wished I’d been more aware of my divorcing friends, and found ways to be supportive. I pray I did not add to their already painful experience by spreading gossip and disparaging those involved. Sometimes it takes having to go through things yourselves to fully understand the loneliness of others. I’d rather like to believe I went through this experience to teach me valuable lessons about a large portion of my brothers and sisters in my community who need better empathy and compassion. It is my goal is to hold on to our members, suffering through divorce, within the safety of the Church’s embrace.

Another Facebook group has emerged for those who have divorced and have left the church, and are now “anti-Mormon” divorce survivors. They are growing at the same rate as my Facebook group, unfortunately.

I think that we can step up as Latter Day Saints and reach out to those in need without selfish excuses and unfounded fears. We are not a club for the elite. Even these brethren and sisters can have hope in moving forward on their path to eternal families. It’s so much easier to keep them in the fold then to try to bring them back when lost. It can only happen if we embrace them within the warmth of our Saviors love, as taught to Peter by the resurrected Lord. “Do you love me Simon Peter? (Latter Day Saints?), (Lisa McDougle?), (John Doe?)…. Then Feed my lambs.”

By Lisa McDougle, CLC
Founder: LDS Divorce Survivors, Inc.