Chapter 14
I have
twins—a boy and a girl—that are approaching puberty. I want to make sure I
prepare them for events that will come. What is the typical age of menarche? Do
boys have a similar pivotal event? What is important for them to know about the
transformation of puberty? I remember when I was experienced puberty I felt
embarrassed, moody, and afraid. I want to make it easier for them.
Dear Abby,
Boys and
girls pubertal development begins about the same time. Pubertal developments of
boys are not as obvious as girls, but boys start a little after; maybe a few
months or so. The average age is about 12 years old.
It has been a
decade, and making new family habits are hard. I don’t know how much that you
counsel with your children. I would recommend counseling with your children on
a personal private level at least once a month. If you are a rock star parent,
Private parent child counseling once a week would be good. Do it as much as
needed. Seek an appropriate relationship. Develop a right and a wrong to any
conversation that comes up. Don’t be pressured to have an answer at the moment.
If you don’t have an answer, tell them that you have to ponder how to advise
them in their dilemma. I don’t recommend the parenting style of a permissive
parent, where you let the child figure out what is right without much
counseling. I encourage that the father and you become united in moral views by
discussion in order to not have a proper united stance.
I further
recommend that the father counsel with your son. Have each gender parent
counsel with the same sex, for you understand better what they will go through
a least a little bit. I am not saying that a father cannot counsel with his
daughter, but he cannot offer as good as advice at least in the beginning
unless he had a sister.
A proper
relationship that I have proposed is not a friendship, but of a fatherly or a
motherly relationship. Don’t discuss worldly thing that would express hypocrisy
in the standards taught. Live up to the principles that you teach. Keep the
time as sacred. The times will be sacred. Don’t restrict the topics of the
conversations. The conversations should be planned, but not set to that
discussion. You will never know how the conversation will be like; therefore,
don’t go in with a structured conversation. Although a number of set
conversations may be good, this well let your child be prepared to be open to
discuss the normal important topic. If a person will not know what is going on,
confusion will be felt.
Trust and
respect is very important. I had a parent that was trying to guide me to
actions that were not my desires. Trust is weaker in this ability, if you are
trying to manipulate their actions. It is not counseling then. This is an
authoritarian relationship with your child. It is so common that it is called a
parenting style. They can be no use to speak to you because they can easily
know that you approve or disapprove and see that you are working to make your
desires happen not theirs. Let them run their life and have their desires. It
throws out trust because it is not for them, but it is for you do have your
will accomplished not theirs.
Trust is
important to keep; although, you can’t be perfect. It is good to practice this
forgiving understanding relationship. They may think that you are a perfect
person by your best efforts though. Have a problem solving relationship. They
will face a new lifestyle. Change is usually not liked; therefore, there should
always be something to talk about.
Make sure
that you are good at listening. If you are not a good listening, what is the
use of the conversation? You can go off expressing your wisdom on something,
and it would not even be what he wanted to discuss. What type of help is that?
Be
consistent. I will now review in closing. Personal private parental counseling
is a key to informing your children on life. I recommend at weekly. Have
standards, which both parents have decided on. Have an appropriate trusting as
a parent by being an example of what you teach, listen, don’t have you own
agenda for his life, have open conversation about everything, but be planned.
Sincerely
Alex
I know there
is variation in when children reach puberty, but I was shocked to hear on the
news about a nine-year-old who was pregnant. How is that even possible? Can she
still deliver a healthy baby or are there likely to be problems? Why do
children so young get involved in sexual relationships?
Dear Abby,
Some youth
live really hard lives. It is particularly difficult with they begin menarche
early, beginning as early as 8 years old. A hard life can speed the pubertal
development. Other causes that may make puberty develop this early are the
genetic make-up of the person and a fatty lifestyle.
Often African
Americans develop earlier than other races.
A fatty
lifestyle causes the production of hormones, and hormones make the changes of
puberty of a body. The developing production of hormones can cause the early
on-set of puberty. Stress also causes the production of them.
Theoretically,
it makes sense that the maturing of a human is speed up by stress because
stress indicates self-reliance may need to be implemented earlier. Other the
living standards such as the Asian cultures don’t encourage the individual to
be self-sustaining and married until the late 20s; all settled down.
The
nine-year-old girl that you spoke of can been of a variety of situations. It is
probably an abusive relationship; although, girls do feel isolate from the rest
of their cohort. If they have puberty before everyone else, they tend to seek
an older man’s relationship. Sex abusers attack any age of children.
Often-times it is a family member that is the offender.
I heard of
the Idaho girl that was impregnated at age 9, and she took the child to full
term. The child weighed about 6 pounds.
A teenage
pregnancy is risky to the health not to mention that the health of a preteen is
at risk, when pregnant at such a young age. They are at risk of preterm labor,
higher risk of caesarian section, high blood pressure, and diabetes. These
risks are mainly because the child is not fully developed. A nine year old
child cannot have grown wide enough hips to safely deliver the baby. This is a
huge risk for women. I hope that she had a caesarian section.
I liked how
respectful the news organization was for that girl not to expose her identity.
Sincerely
Alex
My
15-year-old daughter is very athletic, but I’m worried because she’s been slow
to develop. She has not even had her first period. I wonder if she is pushing
herself too hard. Her finish times in her cross-country races have dropped
significantly, and her endurance has improved. But I’m concerned because she
seems to always be tired. She’d sleep until noon if I’d let her. I’m also
bothered a little by her eating habits. Should I be worried about her?
Dear Abby,
If you are
worried about her eating habit, you should expound them more than her athletic
abilities. The late physical and pubertal development of a girl is nothing to
be concerned about compared to eating disorders. If her times are significantly
dropping, that can be a cause for concern, if she is working as hard as ever
running. I will describe the indicators of eating disorders, so you can be
reassured of the deeper problem. Don’t wait to implement intervention, telling
me of the situation, if you see these indicators.
One pattern
noticed by experts. There is a three step cycle. It is listed as the following
behaviors: obsessive dieting, overeating, and over-exercising. I don’t know how
much your daughter weighs, so I will expound of the main three eating
disorders: anorexia, bulimia, and obesity. Unless you are too ashamed of
telling that she has not been much at all, the probability that she is anorexic
is low.
These people
tend to under-eat and over-exercise. Many young women with anorexia are
severely depressed and at risk of suicide. There are 4 symptoms of diagnosis.
·
Refusal to maintain a body weight that is at
least 85 percent of normal for age and height
·
An intense fear of weight gain
·
Disturbed body perception and denial of the
problem »
·
Absence of menstruation (in adolescent and adult
females)
Bulimia is
about 3 times more common than anorexia. They tend to eat impulsively,
consuming thousands of calories at a time; then, they purges themselves of the
calories by induced vomiting or laxatives. Bulimic people may look normal, but
they are at risk of damage to their gastrointestinal systems and cardiac arrest
from electrolyte imbalance. There are 3 symptoms for this eating disorders
diagnosis.
·
Bingeing
and purging at least once a week for three months
·
An
uncontrollable urges to overeat
·
A
distorted perception of body size
In the
pattern and cycle written above, Obesity comes when they give up on themselves.
Sadly as nearly 30 of youth are over-weight or obese 60% of adolescent girls
and 30% of boys are trying to lose weights rather than seeking a healthy diet
and an active lifestyle.
The origin of
eating disorders can be triggered by testing diet, having odd eating habits;
culture; and controlling parental situations. Another sad thing is that the
symptoms of your daughter point to anorexia. I hope that this is not true.
Sincerely
Alex
Chapter 15
My teenage
daughter is the worry of my life. She doesn’t seem to consider the long-term
consequences of her decision. She drives fast, participates in thrill-seeking
activities, and I wonder if she is sexually active. I’m terrified that she is
going to end up pregnant, with an STD, or worse yet, dead. Is extreme adventure
just part of the current generation? How can I help her understand that she is
not invincible?
Dear Abby,
These are
truly frightening times, a time for your daughter that she follows emotionally
driven. I am grateful to tell you that this time, when your daughter is still
developing her whole conscientiousness, is temporary.
She is still
developing from the effects of the hormonal changes of puberty. These changes give
new experiences, feels, desires, and physical changes, a change from a child to
an adult. They can may an adolescent have irrational thoughts. These parts of
emotion and hormone are of the brain, and they develop first before the
cognitive more logical brain is developed, which is called prefrontal cortex.
The emotion and hormone part of the brain is called the limbic system. Since
the limbic system grows first, the frontal more logical part of the brain may
be shut down with cognition and thought; therefore, they are impulsive and
thoughtless.
This
adolescent radicalism is nothing new; other-than-the-fact, past generations had
to mature to be self-reliant by their teenage years, having to practice
cognitive awareness. Most generations were sexually active in their
adolescence. It is not a characteristic of the generation. Since this
generation is more commercialistic than any other generation, these commercial
adventures may make their activities extreme. It has only come in recent
generations that the child has been protected from labor, giving them a right
to education, and there is a time of lacking pragmatic learning. Pragmatic
learning is learning from real life situations.
A means of
facing reality is to go out into nature. There is a current trend where humans
rule the world, domesticating most everything, that we have nature deprived
children. I recommend that you take her out on fun activities that show her the
real nature of the world. Perhaps let her feel the danger of kayaking down a
river, or camping, where there is a risk of bears, if she ignores proper
precautions.
I hope that
this is helpful.
Sincerely
Alexander
Hicken
My house is
full of teenage drama. A bad hair day is a catastrophe. My daughter is so self-conscious
of every zit, of her clothing, and what others might think of how she looks. I
fear that she might develop an eating disorder. She seems very concerned about
what others think of her. I try to comfort her, but she acts as if I grew up on
another planet and that I have no idea about anything. Is this typical behavior
for adolescents? What should I do?
Dear Abby,
I already
sent you a letter about how to see the proper hints of eating disorders. Have
you ignored that letter? They have lifelong risks. The teenage years are the
time, when the body builds its foundation of their adulthood. Eating disorders
are very serious situations not to be taken lightly neither should this
foundational development of your health.
Adolescence
still has not grown out of the egocentrism. They still think that the world
revolves around their thought processes; therefore, their impulsive, emotion,
immature thoughts are imposed on everyone else. They think that they are the pinnacle
of society, and they need to live up to that standard. Since they are the
pinnacle of society, their wisdom is greatest, and your rational is foolish.
Comforting
them is good. Although they may not appreciate it verbally, they do appreciate
it. Adolescents are prone to forsake the cognitive processes, but they are
available to practice. Adolescents have a tendency to think a lot of
themselves. They face very hard time with peer pressure and completely new
concepts concerning life. They face new situation, feelings, body shape,
desires, and more. These changes need a lot of thought, but they may forsake
thought occasionally to relax. They are trying to adapt. Figuring out the
temporal things may ease the stress of adolescence according to their
experience. I hope that you understand that this behavior is natural by my
extensive explanation.
I recommend
that you don’t stress their faults, maintaining a proper parental relationship.
Explore your role as a parent, realizing that your role is not merely to be a
friend, but a parent should be more than a friend. Since they have cognitive
capacity, appeal to their judgments. A teaching relationship can be trusted, if
you have applied it from before puberty. The fruits may change this
relationship as they may not recognize your wisdom as applicable, but seeking a
counseling relationship can be good, understanding them. This may not be good
to apply if you are beginning it now.
Sincerely
Alexander
Hicken
I feel I have
lost all influence with my teenage son. He used to listen to me. Now he
questions and debates everything I say. There is always some hypothetical
situation or contrived example. While I appreciate his idealism, he is so naïve
about things. For example, he believes that there should be absolutely no laws
that curtail our religious freedoms. He also oversimplifies the political
problems in our country and believes a few correct decisions are going to fix
everything. If teens are better able to think abstractly, why are so many of
their ideas so naïve?
Dear Abby,
Adolescents are discovering new thought processes
as well as many other things; therefore, they are very into themselves. They
think of a lot concerning themselves, and they are still emerging from
childhood. Although they think a lot of themselves, their cognitive processes
are limited too as the prefrontal cortex if the last to develop and that is
developmental to wiser logic as they learn from experience. Adolescents can be
into themselves a lot, exploring abstract thought, since that is a new skill.
As you may have realized, your son’s mind is just embracing idealism by this
new ability with analytically, logically, and as you have noticed
hypothetically. Since these abilities are new brand, an adult would think that
their thinking is naïve; however, their confidence in their understanding is
starting from the basics of grasping the concepts of, the philosophy, idealism.
Their state of new hormone balancing as well as emotion limits their thought
processes and simplifies them. This suppression of logic makes them impulsive
upon little thought. These are some reasons developmental reasons why your son
is “naïve.”
Sincerely
Alexander Hicken
Chapter 16
My teenage
daughter is so obedient. I hear horror stories from other parents about their
teens pushing the boundaries, exploring new fads or activities, or
participating in risky behavior. While I want her to be wise and safe, I
sometimes wonder if she is too cautious. She seems content to adopt our values,
work in the family business, and carry on where we have left off. Should I be
concerned? Or are we just fortunate parents?
Dear Abby,
Developmentalists
have named 4 attitudes of adolescence. They are named at the following: (1)
achievement and (2) role confusion, some choose (3) foreclosure, others (4) moratorium.
These attitudes will be described, for they are in relation to role identity.
An adolescent characterized by the achieved role identity has found their goals
in life. Role confused adolescents have little or no purpose in their work
perhaps academic work has no purpose in their life. Foreclosure of adolescence
is a lifestyle or attitude of going through life following the expectations of
tradition, without question or many goals. The moratorium of adolescence is the
periods of times that people engage it to delay committing one life to a cause;
thus, this cause will be creating of the individuals. These delaying activities
are a stage of finding one’s identity. Taking general classes at a college
deciding ones career path is an example as well as military service and
missionary work. I would say that your daughter is in the stage of foreclosure.
This is not permanent; although, it can be a lasting attitude. These 4
observations of development are stages in finding their identity.
Sincerely
Alex Hicken
In early
adolescence, my daughter had more friends than she does now. She does have a
few close friends, but I’ve encouraged her to expand her friendship group. How
do friendships change during adolescence? When do most start pairing off with the
opposite sex and spending less time with their same-sex friends? Is there
anything parents should know about friendships?
Dear Abby,
It is common
for children to seek groups of friends that you are used to, but your child is
growing to be an adult. Soon the only thing that she will care about is here
husband and children. There is a transition transitioning from groups of
friends to smaller mixed-sex groups and lastly coupling up with private
intimacy. Adolescence usually begin date by their 16th birthday by
national studies, but I volunteered at a local middle school. These trends may
be earlier than thought. I know that middle school students date, engage in
risky activity, and sexual relations.
These may be extreme cases. I don’t know. I don’t encourage parents to
participant in the manipulation of children’s friendships. They should choose
for themselves; although, we see children and the peers making clichés. What
can you do?
Sincerely
Alexander
Hicken
Is
parent-child conflict inevitable during the teen years, or am I just doing
something wrong? I know teens near adulthood and need more independence, but
with all the crazy decisions, they make it seems quite obvious that they still
need a lot of help and guidance. How can I remain influential in my teens’ life
while still helping them grow? What advice do you have for parents and/or
adolescents during this challenging time?
Dear Abby,
Parent- child
conflicts are common and inevitable; although, contention does not have to be frequent.
Adolescents still need a guiding parent, and I highly advice a counseling
relationship to help in their decision making in private discussions. Parents
have the most important role in the learning of adolescence; although, they may
seek peer acceptance. You need to provide a refresh relationship with them.
Sincerely
Alexander
Hicken
