Crucial Conversation Skills

Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler is the book that covers the curriculum of the Construction Law Class’s third module at BYU Idaho. This paper will summarize the book; then, the author will commit himself to improving his communication skills based on the concepts taught in the book. The following subjects, summarizing the literature of the book, are as listed: the definition of Crucial Conversations, the Pool of Shared Meaning, self-awareness within conversations, awareness of others’ behaviors within unsafe conversations, restoration of safety, a path to the resolution of personal Stories, a method to address Crucial Conversations with others, the conversion of a conversation into action, and the integration of all of the principles in individual's lives. The teaching of this book are very applicable to man’s life because the skills overcome the weakness of humanity. The author of this paper will explain how he will master crucial conversations after summarizing the book.

A Crucial Conversation is the term given by the authors to establish the topic of the book. It is important to gain skill in these conversations because most people lose control of themselves when they come up. Crucial Conversations arise when opinions differ, emotions untemper, and stakes rear. The terminology is this literature is not too unique.

The authors set forth the phrase Pool of Shared Meaning to build understanding. When people associate with each other, people have a shared Pool of Meaning. The depth of it is based on how safe the people feel together. The Pool of Shared Meaning is the combination of people's thoughts and ideas. The reaction of people to unsafe situations are violence or silence. Violence is verbal abuse usually, and silence is a withdrawal of individuals input. Self-awareness, when people contribute to a Pool of Shared Meaning, is important because people’s comfort depends of each individuals’ participation.

People are very habitual, and their relationship to a Pool of Meaning may not be as they intend. Self-awareness can help reduce individuals’ faulty habits. Self-awareness requires a higher level of consciousness as do true conversations. When people converse by habits, they do not truly listen, sympathizing with each other. We must get over automating thoughts and projecting our motives on people. One must be sincere with oneself, evaluating their personal motives. People feel unsafe when an individuals’ habits are automated, and they try to manipulate other people’s behavior. Other tendencies that we should be careful of is personal pride. Do not seek to raise personal intelligence above others by trying to “win” a conversation or seeking revenge. People need to avoid the “Sucker’s Choice”, when people feel that they need to be violent or silent. There is a third option to consider solutions through dialogue. Think of a solution to the situation, which is making you react violently or silently. The way that we handle ourselves is important, and we can use our skills to handle conversations with other people too.

Another rise in an individual’s consciousness is the awareness of others. The book calls to watch the contents and the conditions of the Pool of Shared Meaning and conversations. The content of a conversation is easily understood as the topics and the precepts of the discussion. The condition of a conversation may not be easy to understand without clarification. The condition of a conversation eludes to the feel among the people. The most important part of the condition is the feeling of safety. Be aware of the signs that indicate that the conversation may become crucial. The signs are very subtle, but there is a different demeanor in individuals when the condition of safety has been pushed too much. It may be seen in their tone of voice or behavior.

When people feel unsafe, they usually go in to a violent or silent mode. The most common three ways that silence are expressed are masking, avoiding, and withdrawing. Masking is the behavior of downplaying or hiding parts of individual’s true opinion. Sarcasm is a type of masking. Avoiding the Crucial Conversation is not a physical but a verbal avoidance of the sensitive subjects. Withdrawal is a physical pulling out of a conversation. It may include leaving the room or withdrawing participation in the conversation. There are also three common ways of verbal violence. They include the following types of violence: controlling, labeling, and attacking. Controlling involves pressuring people to think a specific way. Labeling is stereotyping or categorizing in a dismissive attitude. Attacking entails belittling and threatening. We should learn to sight these offenses in people’s conduct before the conversation turns crucial.

When these acts of violence and silence arise between people, it is important to address the problem directly with sincerity. The development of mutual purpose and respect is important to restore safety. Seek unity in the conversation. Apologies can be helpful, and contrasting can make the desires of individuals clear. Form “I don’t” or “I do want” statements to understand each other with contrasting. The authors of the book developed the acronym of CRIB to help people remember a recommended path to mutual purpose. The CRIB acronym symbolizes the following words: Commit to Mutual Purpose, Recognize the Purpose behind the Strategy, Invent a Mutual Purpose, and Brainstorm New Strategies. Strategy is a term of the book’s authors to distinguish the difference between of our desires and the method to achieve our desires. When we discover the purpose behind our strategies we can create a mutual purpose, seeking a method to accomplish it. In order to restore respect, we need to practice forgiveness and repentance.

Stories are a term of the book’s authors to teach us that one can misunderstand facts, getting emotionally driven by their delusion. Stories can result in violence and silence. We would again need to raise self-awareness. If one retraces how they got to their story, re-evaluating their facts, they can de-escalate their emotions and take control of their story. A healthy conversation about a situation especially when it involves other people can solve issues. The authors of Crucial Conversations developed another acronym of STATE to help people de-escalate emotions, opinions, and stakes. The STATE acronym involves the following steps: Sharing your facts, Telling your story, Asking for others’ paths, Talking Tentatively, and Encouraging testing. The first three are self-explanatory; therefore, only the last two steps will be explained. Tentative talk of a story is the recognition that the story is not fact in conversation. Testing stories from facts can bring clarity and a broader understanding of the situation, letting wiser decisions to be made.

Another acronym that the Crucial Conversations’ authors came up with to help us resolve dilemmas with others is AMPP. The acronym AMPP symbolizes the following steps: Ask to get things rolling, Mirror to confirm feelings, Paraphrase to acknowledge the story, and Prime when you are getting nowhere. These steps are skills of listening. It requires sincerity. The people that this method is supposed to be used on are violent and silent, needing safety and trust restored. Ask to get things rolling is an invitation for them to express themselves. If they do, sympathize with them. A sign and skill of listening is paraphrasing the story to get mutual understanding. Priming is a guess at what silent people are thinking to get things started, but this practice should not be the first step. It is after the first three steps fail. After the conversation is started, the ABC acronym is used to solve the problem; standing for Agree, Build, and Compare. Agree is the agreeing on facts; then, build upon to fill in the issues of fact until the parties are united. When disagreement continues, a comparison of paths is important rather than deem them as wrong. The book recommends that you practice the STATE acronym at that point.

As people participate in a Pool of Shared Meaning people feel an ownership in the pool. People need to be careful of making decisions based on the Pool of Meaning if individuals are left out of the decision process. The decision process should be decided upon before the decision is made. The main methods of decision are command, consult, vote, and consensus. Be careful of the feelings of each party member. Voting begets winners and losers.

There are seven principles to the Crucial Conversations book, and its authors found that people that successfully implement the discipline do two at a time until it is habitual. The first level is to apply CRIB or STATE to oneself, and the second level seek safety in their conversations. The author of the paper has personally used AMPP on his social network pages to get feedback. The audience can be silent especially because the page shares an article every two hours. The author as the administrator of the social network guessed at what the audience was thinking, asking for feedback. A sister gave good feedback, saying that the content was hard to keep up with for the audience. The administrator found another way to share all the content effectively in one post. The administrator has always wanted to expand the page’s influence to other popular social networks, and the simplification found from the feedback enables all the desired social network pages to be active.

The author of the paper’s plan is to apply two of the seven principles as the authors of the book recommend for success. The author plans to not fall into the “Sucker’s Choice” of silence or violence, but I will find the third option. Secondly, the author would like to master CRIB to have more productive relationships with other people. He is grateful for the self-awareness that the book has raised in his life, planning to refer to and study the book as a Crucial Conversations reference manual.

Crucial Conversation Skills

Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler is the book that covers the curriculum of the Construction Law Class’s third module at BYU Idaho. This paper will summarize the book; then, the author will commit himself to improving his communication skills based on the concepts taught in the book. The following subjects, summarizing the literature of the book, are as listed: the definition of Crucial Conversations, the Pool of Shared Meaning, self-awareness within conversations, awareness of others’ behaviors within unsafe conversations, restoration of safety, a path to the resolution of personal Stories, a method to address Crucial Conversations with others, the conversion of a conversation into action, and the integration of all of the principles in individual's lives. The teaching of this book are very applicable to man’s life because the skills overcome the weakness of humanity. The author of this paper will explain how he will master crucial conversations after summarizing the book.

A Crucial Conversation is the term given by the authors to establish the topic of the book. It is important to gain skill in these conversations because most people lose control of themselves when they come up. Crucial Conversations arise when opinions differ, emotions untemper, and stakes rear. The terminology is this literature is not too unique.

The authors set forth the phrase Pool of Shared Meaning to build understanding. When people associate with each other, people have a shared Pool of Meaning. The depth of it is based on how safe the people feel together. The Pool of Shared Meaning is the combination of people's thoughts and ideas. The reaction of people to unsafe situations are violence or silence. Violence is verbal abuse usually, and silence is a withdrawal of individuals input. Self-awareness, when people contribute to a Pool of Shared Meaning, is important because people’s comfort depends of each individuals’ participation.

People are very habitual, and their relationship to a Pool of Meaning may not be as they intend. Self-awareness can help reduce individuals’ faulty habits. Self-awareness requires a higher level of consciousness as do true conversations. When people converse by habits, they do not truly listen, sympathizing with each other. We must get over automating thoughts and projecting our motives on people. One must be sincere with oneself, evaluating their personal motives. People feel unsafe when an individuals’ habits are automated, and they try to manipulate other people’s behavior. Other tendencies that we should be careful of is personal pride. Do not seek to raise personal intelligence above others by trying to “win” a conversation or seeking revenge. People need to avoid the “Sucker’s Choice”, when people feel that they need to be violent or silent. There is a third option to consider solutions through dialogue. Think of a solution to the situation, which is making you react violently or silently. The way that we handle ourselves is important, and we can use our skills to handle conversations with other people too.

Another rise in an individual’s consciousness is the awareness of others. The book calls to watch the contents and the conditions of the Pool of Shared Meaning and conversations. The content of a conversation is easily understood as the topics and the precepts of the discussion. The condition of a conversation may not be easy to understand without clarification. The condition of a conversation eludes to the feel among the people. The most important part of the condition is the feeling of safety. Be aware of the signs that indicate that the conversation may become crucial. The signs are very subtle, but there is a different demeanor in individuals when the condition of safety has been pushed too much. It may be seen in their tone of voice or behavior.

When people feel unsafe, they usually go in to a violent or silent mode. The most common three ways that silence are expressed are masking, avoiding, and withdrawing. Masking is the behavior of downplaying or hiding parts of individual’s true opinion. Sarcasm is a type of masking. Avoiding the Crucial Conversation is not a physical but a verbal avoidance of the sensitive subjects. Withdrawal is a physical pulling out of a conversation. It may include leaving the room or withdrawing participation in the conversation. There are also three common ways of verbal violence. They include the following types of violence: controlling, labeling, and attacking. Controlling involves pressuring people to think a specific way. Labeling is stereotyping or categorizing in a dismissive attitude. Attacking entails belittling and threatening. We should learn to sight these offenses in people’s conduct before the conversation turns crucial.

When these acts of violence and silence arise between people, it is important to address the problem directly with sincerity. The development of mutual purpose and respect is important to restore safety. Seek unity in the conversation. Apologies can be helpful, and contrasting can make the desires of individuals clear. Form “I don’t” or “I do want” statements to understand each other with contrasting. The authors of the book developed the acronym of CRIB to help people remember a recommended path to mutual purpose. The CRIB acronym symbolizes the following words: Commit to Mutual Purpose, Recognize the Purpose behind the Strategy, Invent a Mutual Purpose, and Brainstorm New Strategies. Strategy is a term of the book’s authors to distinguish the difference between of our desires and the method to achieve our desires. When we discover the purpose behind our strategies we can create a mutual purpose, seeking a method to accomplish it. In order to restore respect, we need to practice forgiveness and repentance.

Stories are a term of the book’s authors to teach us that one can misunderstand facts, getting emotionally driven by their delusion. Stories can result in violence and silence. We would again need to raise self-awareness. If one retraces how they got to their story, re-evaluating their facts, they can de-escalate their emotions and take control of their story. A healthy conversation about a situation especially when it involves other people can solve issues. The authors of Crucial Conversations developed another acronym of STATE to help people de-escalate emotions, opinions, and stakes. The STATE acronym involves the following steps: Sharing your facts, Telling your story, Asking for others’ paths, Talking Tentatively, and Encouraging testing. The first three are self-explanatory; therefore, only the last two steps will be explained. Tentative talk of a story is the recognition that the story is not fact in conversation. Testing stories from facts can bring clarity and a broader understanding of the situation, letting wiser decisions to be made.

Another acronym that the Crucial Conversations’ authors came up with to help us resolve dilemmas with others is AMPP. The acronym AMPP symbolizes the following steps: Ask to get things rolling, Mirror to confirm feelings, Paraphrase to acknowledge the story, and Prime when you are getting nowhere. These steps are skills of listening. It requires sincerity. The people that this method is supposed to be used on are violent and silent, needing safety and trust restored. Ask to get things rolling is an invitation for them to express themselves. If they do, sympathize with them. A sign and skill of listening is paraphrasing the story to get mutual understanding. Priming is a guess at what silent people are thinking to get things started, but this practice should not be the first step. It is after the first three steps fail. After the conversation is started, the ABC acronym is used to solve the problem; standing for Agree, Build, and Compare. Agree is the agreeing on facts; then, build upon to fill in the issues of fact until the parties are united. When disagreement continues, a comparison of paths is important rather than deem them as wrong. The book recommends that you practice the STATE acronym at that point.

As people participate in a Pool of Shared Meaning people feel an ownership in the pool. People need to be careful of making decisions based on the Pool of Meaning if individuals are left out of the decision process. The decision process should be decided upon before the decision is made. The main methods of decision are command, consult, vote, and consensus. Be careful of the feelings of each party member. Voting begets winners and losers.

There are seven principles to the Crucial Conversations book, and its authors found that people that successfully implement the discipline do two at a time until it is habitual. The first level is to apply CRIB or STATE to oneself, and the second level seek safety in their conversations. The author of the paper has personally used AMPP on his social network pages to get feedback. The audience can be silent especially because the page shares an article every two hours. The author as the administrator of the social network guessed at what the audience was thinking, asking for feedback. A sister gave good feedback, saying that the content was hard to keep up with for the audience. The administrator found another way to share all the content effectively in one post. The administrator has always wanted to expand the page’s influence to other popular social networks, and the simplification found from the feedback enables all the desired social network pages to be active.

The author of the paper’s plan is to apply two of the seven principles as the authors of the book recommend for success. The author plans to not fall into the “Sucker’s Choice” of silence or violence, but I will find the third option. Secondly, the author would like to master CRIB to have more productive relationships with other people. He is grateful for the self-awareness that the book has raised in his life, planning to refer to and study the book as a Crucial Conversations reference manual.

July 16, 2017

In two days I will graduate with my bachelor's degree. I only have one more thing to do, which is a writing assignment. My in-laws are staying for a few days with Jessica and I. Last week I wrapped up most of the work of the semester. Tuesday was the day that I attended my last BYU Idaho Devotional and modeled last for the Art Department.

I was able to apply for new job opportunities late last week. My job search has been a little disappointing early last week mainly because the wrap up my semester has taken my focus from searching for jobs. Barry Swenson Builders said that they hired someone; although, we scheduled an appointment for me to visit them, when I visit California next week. CH2M Hill asked me on Friday, if I am still available to begin work in August, which I confirmed. I still want to work for Morrison Hershfield most, and I should contact them about the opportunity that we were talking about. It has been a few weeks, since they told me to give them about four weeks. I interviewed with a company recently that would fit my experience well. The company is called NG Resources. They told me to give them a couple weeks too. In about thirty minutes, I was able to apply of more than seventy positions when I had time.

Yesterday was satisfying because I was able to completely clean my apartment. I think that it is ironic that it was the weekend before finals that I got my house in order. My in-laws are visiting, and it is a good experience so far. They wanted a tour of the school, and we showed them a few buildings. The first building was the Hart Building. Jessica and I showed them the exact spot that we met for the first time. I also showed them that my name is on the plaque of the Cross Country Championship winners. After a tour of the Hart Building, I showed them the Spori Building, which is the first building constructed of the campus, and where I did most of my Art Modeling. We enjoyed viewing the art. The next building that we went to is the Manwaring Center. We told them of the Crossroads' role in Jessica and I's courtship. We would run into each other once or twice a week and eat with each other without arrangement, and coincidently these occasions increased after Jessica denied my request for us to date steadily for the first time. John, my father-in-law, took many pictures including the location that I worked as a cashier at the Crossroads. Last night we bought a lot of food, and we are cooking a feast right now. Krystal and Dallen Cluff are coming for dinner. I was prepared to serve Jessica’s parents food this coming week, but her mother is cooking the meals at our apartment now. I did make lunch for Jessica and I today.

One thing that I did last week is update how I run the Mormon Young Single Adult (YSA) Blog Spot. The Facebook page gets about five new followers each week, but most always unfollows the page. I think that it is because the page shares a blog post every two hours, and it is hard to keep track of. I looked around the internet to see how I can make a newsletter type blog post, so I don't have to share each blog post individually on the social networks. One blog can have all of them on one post. This would make it easier to look through and read what you are interested. I found that Storify is the best way to organize the blogging content. It is very easy to put embedded content on each story post. One thing that I am excited about is that I have one link to share on all of the social networks instead of twelve each day. This lets me share the content on LinkedIn, Instagram, Pinterest, and Tumblr. I was limited to just three only sharing on Twitter, Google+, and Facebook. I have been wanting to post on the other social networks for a long time. I hope that the Storify posts are useful, and people look at them more. The posts only get a few clicks a day for now.

July 9, 2017

This whole year has felt very long, but I knew that July was going to feel short. I now have one more week of my undergraduate studies. The topic that I would like to address is my service to my God.

My God is the father of all mankind's spirits even Jesus Christ's spirit. God prefers the title of Heavenly Father despite his infinite nature because his love for his children. As we were being raised spiritually by our heavenly parents before mortality, he prepared for us to obtain a tangible body of flesh and bones because fullness of joy can only be obtained with a soul, the combination of spirit and body. The fullness of joy prepared by God the Father is to live in his glory and kingdom, having an eternal family like him, who has a body of flesh and bone. No unclean person can live in the Kingdom of God; therefore, he provided a mediator to stand between the justice of God and represent the mercy of God. This dual entity of God is called the Godhead. The only way that God could be merciful, allowing the corrupt man to obtain incorruption, is to have his Son perform the atonement and resurrect. Jesus Christ was the literal son of God through Virgin Mary. This lineage gave him the power to resurrect, and his perfect life enabled him to suffer the atonement. The atonement of Jesus Christ is infinite, satisfying the demands of justice for the sins of man. The Godhead including Jesus Christ and God the Father are both resurrected beings, and Christ's resurrection gives all man immortality after death. God has said "For behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man." (Moses 1:39) The life in the Kingdom of God, having an eternal family, which is mentioned above, is eternal life. The path that God has set forth for man to follow in order to obtain the mercy and grace of Christ is called the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

The truth of the Gospel has been given to man throughout time by God to men set apart from the world as prophets. They are given the authority to practice the Gospel. The revealing of truth to man by God is called revelation. The authority of God to perform his work is called the priesthood. The Priesthood enables man to establish the church and kingdom of God on the earth. One of the most important practices of the priesthood is to place men under covenants of obedience in order to be given the promise of eternal life. I served as a recorder in a temple of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, where covenants are administered to people. The covenants need to be recorded in order to be counted in the Kingdom of God. We are seeking to let all man to have the opportunity to choose to take upon themselves the covenants that allow them obtain eternal life by performing the ordinances on their behalf. Most ordinances are covenants. We perform ordinances for both the living and the dead; however, saints can only take covenants for themselves or perform ordinances for dead people as proxy. All mankind need to have the opportunity to choose the gospel despite the fact that people in mortality has not heard the Gospel. The spirits of man are separated from their bodies, when people die, and the Gospel is preached in the spirit world.

These truths have been restored through a prophet in our day, for after Jesus Christ died and all of the apostles were martyred, the true understanding of the Gospel was lost. The Gospel has been restored to the founding prophet of our day Joseph Smith Jr by revelation, and an additional witness of the power of God has been given to man that we can know the truth of the restoration of the Gospel. This witness is called the Book of Mormon. The Book of Mormon is a collection of writing of prophets similar to the Bible. I have obtained revelation from God that the Book of Mormon is a true book of scripture, and Joseph Smith Jr. Is a true prophet. He restored the truth, and it is found in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Jesus Christ did establish this church, and he is at the head of it, personally guiding his living prophet today.

Today was my last Sabbath serving the young children from the ages of two to three in the Nursery. I taught them the gospel, teaching the ways of happiness and gratitude. Jessica and I have been serving in the Nursery for more than six months now.

               

                Yesterday was my last day serving as a recorder with Jessica in the Rexburg temple. The one thing that I wanted to point out about the shift that I worked is that the temple felt extraordinarily familial because practically every time that I walked out of my office I ran into someone that I knew. If you come to visit the church, temple, or a visitor center, you will be treated as family because we are all siblings, since we are all children of God.